Health Insights
Pain during sex: when should you speak with a doctor?
Pain during sex is a reason to speak with a doctor, not something you should have to put up with. Learn what you may want to describe, what an appointment may involve, and when to seek help sooner.
Speak with a doctor if sex is painful often, if the pain is severe, or if it is stopping you from the kind of intimacy you want. Pain is not something you should have to tolerate. You do not need to decide the cause before you ask for help.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says pain during sex is common, and that it may be temporary or longer lasting. It advises seeing a doctor when pain is frequent or severe. (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists)
What you may want to describe
A useful conversation is specific. You might say where you feel the pain, whether it is at the opening or deeper, when it starts, and whether it happens with penetration, touch, or other sexual activity. ACOG notes that pain may be felt at the vulva, around the vaginal opening, deeper in the vagina, or in the perineum, and sometimes in the lower back, pelvis or bladder. ([American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists](${ACOG_WHEN_SEX_IS_PAINFUL})) It also helps to say what makes it worse or easier, how long it lasts, and whether there is dryness, burning, itching or bleeding.
Pain can matter even when sex does not involve penetration. ACOG says a pain problem can be present without penetration. (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) You do not have to be in a relationship, and you do not have to describe a partner, to ask for help.
You can include how this affects desire, relationships and daily life, and what you have already tried. You decide how much of your sexual life to share. A doctor should be able to explain why a question is being asked.
For ideas on what to take to an appointment more generally, see your first women's health appointment: what to discuss and how to prepare.
What an appointment may involve
ACOG says a doctor uses your history, your symptoms and, when needed, an examination to look for an explanation. Sometimes a scan or another test is suggested. (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) An examination is not automatic. It depends on your symptoms and on what you agree to.
Do not assume one cause
Pain during sex can have more than one explanation. A gynaecological condition, a skin problem, an infection, dryness, difficulty with arousal, a previous injury, or worry about pain itself can all be part of the picture. None of those is the assumed cause in this article.
In particular, this article does not treat endometriosis or menopause as the explanation. Either can be relevant for some people and irrelevant for others. Pelvic pain more broadly is discussed in what can cause persistent pelvic pain?. That article is a starting point, not a diagnosis.
When to seek help
A routine appointment is appropriate when pain has become a pattern and you want it understood.
Seek a prompt appointment if pain is frequent or severe, if it is getting worse, if there is bleeding, discharge or sores you have not had checked, or if you are avoiding sex because of fear of pain.
Call Triple Zero on 000 if pain is sudden and severe, if you are bleeding heavily, or if you feel very unwell.
Care at Mahila
You can read about sexual health care at Mahila. That page describes the service. This article does not repeat its appointment details.
References
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (2020). When sex is painful. FAQ020. Last reviewed May 2026. https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/when-sex-is-painful Checked 23 October 2026.
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (n.d.). Your sexual health. https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/your-sexual-health Checked 23 October 2026.
Pain during sex deserves a careful conversation
You can talk about where the pain is and how it affects you. Any examination depends on the situation and needs your consent.